Rest In Power Linda

This is my journal entry the day we lost Linda Mkhize, a beautiuful soul, pioneer, icon, business man and lyricist. Linda was in my life between 2005 and 2014- besigroova sonke oh yes and gigs hahaha but mostly besigroova because Linda was intimidating AF and introverted- but yeyi, everybody had a good time around Linda. I am one of many lives he touched with his humble nature and huge talent. Linda and the Danki San crew had an amazing impact on my life and losing Linda.....hurt.

 

Linda's Blessings

Journal entry 9 August 2018

My heart stopped beating love today.

Today I lost the love of my life.

I never imagined so soon I would have to say goodbye to you. Today was one of the saddest days of my life.

I lost you.

I lost all feelings.

I can’t even say it. I can’t even get used to it. I am going back to Johannesburg on Sunday and will  have to face my reality in the eye. I am going to have to tell my heart, tell my soul, tell every cell in my body that-

 

Linda why?

Why didn’t you choose me? I was the opposite of your sadness. You were the inspiration behind my work, my walk, my sense. I don’t even know what to say to myself to make it feel better.

I am at Oppoikoppi and the music is so loud and yet I hear only the pain of losing you.

 

Faces and Laughter

All around

My heart is on

The ground

 

I cannot find words to console myself. Every Ntsiki Mazwai fan knows that you changed my life. You made me fall in love with myself and my township. But it is more than that you gave me a reason to be proud of Soweto.

 

I am sorry I loved you so much Linda- I just couldn’t help it. I couldn’t control myself when it came to you. There was no self respect, no dignity, no holding back. I told you every time I saw you that I loved you. Loving you was like my religion. I remember how nobody could understand how a strong and independent woman like me would just melt and fall apart at the mention of your name. My whole world would go insane. You filled my spirit with an emotion I will never ever be able to describe.

 

I feel like I have been struck by lightning.

My heart is yona is blazing. Hot. Burning in pain- it moves up to my throat and gives me a headache.

 

Thank you for having the grace to let me love you so wholeheartedly. So freely. I’m sorry to all your girlfriends that my love disrespected. My love for you knew no boundaries. It flowed and spread; and everybody who knew me embraced you as part of our collective universe. You gave me brothers that took care of me in the streets. You gave me so much ‘real’ when I was so superficial in my love. Linda you made me FEEL. What a beautiful gift to give to a girl.

 

It went beyond my mind and what I thought, Linda you were a spirit that possessed my life for about a decade. I am sad because I knew what you were going through.

 

I feel so bad for being so rude to so many people today. It’s no excuse but I was just so heartbroken. I didn’t want to speak to anyone. It was too much.

 

And even though it hasn’t really hit me yet- I can’t believe that you are in the wind blowing tonight.

 

I am going to allow your death to UP my game. I’m going to fight for you now. Deep down inside I know I used to stress you because I reflected you. My pain was your pain. And thank you for always protecting me. I had to deal with a lot of your brokenness- but I hope that somewhere, somehow I made you happy too.

 

This is my first day with you being my spirit guide. I will never be in your arms again. Memories are flooding and searching- you were no longer part of my life.

The only way I know to heal is to cry and write. I am cornered by grief.

 

I think you needed me a little bit more than you showed but I hope and pray I served you well in your time king.

Please protect me always

 

It is a time for crying

A time for major changes

Tv, radio and writing.

 

 

 

 

(incidentally the tv gig came in January 2019....just waiting on the next two now heheheh- Linda is looking out for MaMiya )